With this, and the fact that I would say I am a completely different person now, brings to light the idea that maybe all the things that have happened, did in fact - happen for a reason, even though at the time, I was oblivious.
However, I won't sit here and say that everything is wonderful. I told myself after posting a piece called 'pretending' on here, I would always be open.
With that being said; trying to keep my head above water at the moment is becoming something I am struggling with. For a while I feel like me and my depression turned a corner and we became a ‘trying hard to BEAT all’ team, but I think that’s kinda.. slipped away a tiny bit.
I’ve spoken before about my issues on here and I have never been one to shy away from talking about them, but I think recently I became blinded and I didn’t seem to understand that for what I thought had settled, can just come back and creep up when you least expect them too.
In hindsight, I have been a little naïve about things and now having had a bad few days I have realised that if I try too hard to pretend everything is okay then it is so easy to go back to square one.
Although in NO means am I in the same dark place as I was during last year because I think rock bottom had well and truly been hit back then, but I do think I have somehow slipped down a little. But that is okay.
I recently took some time to think about how things in my life had changed from last year, and although the time is short; it is something of great difference.
This time last year I was really struggling to get out of bed every day and not cry, or actually drag myself to work and spend 8 hours with a smile on my face. But now that is something of a distant memory.
The smile on my face now isn’t a fake one and for that, I could not be happier. But I still do have days like today where I just feel.. in one word.. urgh.
Uni deadlines, exam dates, feeling overwhelmed with lack of body confidence, losing your best friend, but trying to say you’re okay is a very hard thing to do – let me tell you! Helps though when you make amazing new friends and have the best boyf in the entire world hehe thanks you can go cringe now like me...
I know it’s just a little bump in the road, and I know I will get past it, as slowly or quickly as it takes, but I suppose there is no rush. The best thing at the moment is that I have THE BEST support network around me, and I could not ask for anything better.
I suppose the reason I wrote this tiny, maybe seemingly pointless and embarrassing post was just to say that I kinda feel a bit lost at the moment and I’m not at my best, but I know I can face things head on and beat whatever comes my way because I have the best people around me and I am stronger now than before, because I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel... even if you can't see it just yet1
Anyone who is struggling just needs to know that you will be okay. And it is completely and utterly okay to not be okay.
We got this <3
Love Megan
xxx
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